Classy lady.
No nation on earth likes a spot of reckless driving quite like the Kiwis. For a relatively roomy, 1st world country of only 4 million, New Zealand suffers road-rage, gridlock, tail-gating, poor signalling, drink-driving, teenage-racing, and a total lack of respect for other road users, at a level that would make even a Mumbai taxi driver take to public transport. And that’s just the women.
Some attribute it to a legal driving age of 15. Three years before society considers teenagers of sound enough mind to vote, drink or fight for their country, it is happy to see them hurtling round quiet, toddler infested, suburban streets in a half-ton of unforgiving metal.
Others put it down the same the gung-ho, pioneering Kiwi spirit that forged this small nation. Survival of the fittest, everyman for himself, and if you think you’re merging ahead of me after these lights, mate, well, all I’m going to say is, you better have a big old tyre-iron ready for when i come knocking at your driver-side window, outside your house, after following you for 45 kilometres stewing myself up into a mean, angry lather.
Adding to the problem, vehicle insurance is not compulsory in New Zealand. Which means any old prick with enough milk-money to buy a beat up ’74 Ford Laser, could be out there waiting to rip the wing mirror off your nice, new model Audi, before kindly reminding you that, since he’s broke, there’s fuck all you can do about it.
Some tips that might bring Kiwi driving up to par with the rest of the developed world.
- Orange means slow down, not speed up.
- The hard shoulder does not magically become a passing lane during rush hour.
- Indicating after a turn doesn’t really count.
- Merge like a zip, not a parade of “God’s Special Children”.
- A bus lane is for (drum roll)… buses.
- Furiously changing lanes during a traffic jam caused by too much lane changing probably won’t help.
- ‘No Right Turn’ signs are not merely helpful suggestions.
- You might thing 3cm is enough space for you to react if the car in front suddenly stops, but that’s just one of the many reasons why you’re a cunt.
- A big exhaust on a small car, does not a big car make.
- I already know, on the other hand, that your Holden/Ford is a big car. You really don’t need to drive it up my arse, to prove it. It simply won’t fit.
- It takes only 5 muscles to give a courtesy wave, but it takes 6 months to recover from a nasty bout of Tyre-Iron Road Rage.
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sydney-siders must have been kiwis in a previous life then! your suggested tips still apply though…
Thanks for an educational post. I’ve been looking for this sort of data for some time now.
Yes, it’s very much at odds with the ‘laid back’ and ‘clean green’ image we take so much national pride in presenting to the world. Probably because, at heart, we are neither ‘laid back’, nor ‘clean green’ at all.
This comment was originally posted onSelwyn’s posterous
Great read Selwyn. The Kiwis are the nicest, most welcoming, friendliest people … but get them behind the wheel and they morph into frantic, selfish, idiotic, inconsiderate pricks. Driving in NZ has been a real eye opener for this Londoner.
This comment was originally posted onSelwyn’s posterous
Get online and vent directly to our overlords:
http://www.transport.govt.nz/saferjourneys/Pages/default.aspx
Merge like a zip…LIKE A BLOODY ZIP DAMMIT!!!
lol… Hong Kong is a lot worse, and don’t even start thinking about Cairo… but seriously, there’s a new breed of teens my age who like to slow down to 10 kph on straight (especially one-lane) roads, then speed around roundabouts, indicate the wrong way, park jutting out into the road (or at a bus stop) etc…
Maybe that’s just west Auckland here, or maybe it isn’t…
While NZ has some pretty provincial drivers IMO it’s among the better in the world. It’s probably a bit worse than Australia, most of western Europe or the UK but look at the middle east or latin countries and we look pretty rosey.
I’m sure that one of the last Acts passed by the outgoing Labour government went unnoticed by most. It declared it mandatory for all cars owned by males under the age of 25 to have the following fitted: Cannon style ‘make my car sound like a racing car’ exhaust, alloy (real or fake, preferably spinning) wheels, spoiler, ‘racing car’ interior trim plus optional blow valves for the full V8 experience. WOF failure is also guaranteed if the amp/bass doesn’t cause villa floors to vibrate within a 100m radius. The law then stated that these cars must be driven as if on Pukekohe race track at 3 in the morning. Outside your house.Failure to do so would mean confiscation of gangsta style headgear, removal of tatoos by laser and to be forcebly made to wear belts to keep the offending driver’s trousers up.
lol. ah yes, the Cannon exhaust pipe. I especially love it on a Dihatsu Charade or Suzuki Swift.
I think the other thing wrong with this country is that we are quick to stereotype and judge boy-racers, and burn them at the stake whenever a member of their community does something illegal. Sure, boy racers are idiots with bad dress sense and get up to all sorts of mischief, but the bottom line is that all people from all backgrounds driving all types of cars are shitty drivers and cause a lot of accidents.
The biggest problems I often see on the roads are people tail-gating, speeding (usually in 50 zones or past schools!), and not giving way at intersections.
Yes. How to stop the tailgaters.
I usually slow down to 10kph and hope they burst a blood vessel. But it takes balls. Especially on a scooter..
Yes I agree… tailgating only makes me go right on 50k, not faster.
Yeah probly gay-married his sister I bet! The marnis!
Yeah nah but really, per capita in the southern hemisphere we are definitely shit at driving.
Guy hit the nail on the head with that man. What’s the bet mulletman owns one of the forementioned 1980 Ford Lasers? Probably married to his sister too.
^^mulletman reminded me of another thing kiwis like.
knocking those more successful than them.
call it tall poppy syndrome, i just call it jealous douche bags.
keep your 1980 ford laser away from my car mulletman.
Im a young WOMAN driver and find myself more experienced than a 60 year old MAN who decides it is all right to run a red light and suddenly turn without an indicator, almost taking out my car. Not to mention all those drivers who got their license out of a weetbix packet, the bloody people who are 10 meters behind you at a merging lane think they are meant to go first. pricks. Not to mention truck drivers in Tauranga think that their huge long truck can get in front of a car at a merging lane, when clearly the car is in front…… You almost drive us off the road. IDIOTS.
Ford lasers didn’t go into production until 1980. Plus anyone who owns a new audi deserves to lose thier wing mirror! And honestly, as a country we aren’t that bad as drivers. And there is nothing wrong with our driving age. The majority of accidents caused by under 25 year olds is by people who didn’t get their learners until after they turned 18. The younger people start driving the better drivers they are. 15 year olds are learning with the supervision of their parents. Whereas, people over 18 are learning to drive with their mates who got their learners at 15 and are as cocky as hell and don’t have enough driving experience or maturity to teach someone how to drive properly.
Plus anyone who owns a new audi deserves to lose thier wing mirror!
Please go to the post on Tall poppies…
And don’t hang in the passing lane for 10 minutes after you’ve passed someone because people want to pass you and have to weave their way through the traffic!!!
And let people in when they’re turning into traffic!!! It only slows you down 5-10 secs but for the person not being let in, it could take up to 10 mins for someone to let them in!!! And you don’t want a frustrated, late, Kiwi driver on the roads!!!
I second that!
I don’t know what reckless driving this writer’s been subject to; it’s a lot worse in the Philippines.
What I think New Zealand’s all about is reckless PEDESTRIANS crossing the road without looking. I should know; I’ve done it, I spent a day of work doing little besides.
and and and – a passing lane does NOT mean SPEED UP.
It’s there so your slow ass can be passed!
So please – keep going slow and let the person pass damn it!!!!
Haha that explains the drive to OBS in that beamer!