All posts tagged nationalism

Le Country We Love To Hate

France exacts it's revenge on doves and rainbows

France exacts it's revenge on doves and rainbows

Hating the French has become so easy, so popular worldwide, it’s almost an Olympic sport. After all, what have they really contributed to civilisation? The White Flag, and women with hairy armpits? Cheers, mate.

But New Zealand, rather unusually for an such an unassuming pair of islands on the opposite side of the planet, has had it’s own unique, and particularly troubled history with the land of stripey-shirted, garlic-around-the-neck, pontificating troubadours.

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Tall Poppy Syndrome

Love thy neighbour?

Love thy neighbour?

Kiwis are by their very nature imbued with a pioneering spirit of self-reliance, hard work, and the desire to achieve a better life for one’s self and family.

And only when, after years of toil, tenacity and luck, these colonial dreams are finally realised, can Kiwis look forward to spending the rest of their life defending their success against the pitchfork-weilding angry mob of their fellow countrymen, whose own ambitions – for reasons of either circumstance, laziness, or misfortune – have been snipped a little lower down the stem.

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Hating Auckland

A model of good town planning.

A model of good town planning.

Auckland. City of JAFAs (which we are reliably informed stands for ‘Joy! Another friendly Aucklander!’). A temperate climate, plenty of nice beaches, 2 harbours, and just enough going on to feel like you’re not quite dying in the cultural doldrums of the world.

So why, then, does everybody in New Zealand, even, sometimes, those who live in the city, hate Auckland so much?

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Choking

'Ow do you like zat Rainbow Warrior, losers?

'Ow do you like ze taste of zat Rainbow Warrior, losers?

Kiwis are really, really good at a small range of minority sports. So good, in fact, that the weight of the entire nation’s expectation rests on the hope that these sports might firmly, and finally, put New Zealand on the map.

It is a heavy burden to bear by our national sports stars who, lets face it, are not altogether the smartest, most well-rounded cookies in the jar.

Which inevitably leads to the one sport in which New Zealand truly leads the international field…Choking.

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New Zealand T-Shirts

Show them where you're from.

Show them where you're from.

Nothing informs the world of wearer’s modest Kiwi patriotism better than a printed T-Shirt with words or images cleverly rearranged into the shape of New Zealand. Ironic, then, that 99% of these are worn exclusively in this country only.

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