The alternative Kiwipedia
No worries, mate.
There is no winter in New Zealand, apparently. To admit otherwise, is to admit that this is not the tropical paradise our forebears anticipated when they emigrated here, which conflicts sharply with the Kiwi need for constant, positive reassurance, and is deeply unpatriotic. And probably a little racist.
Doer-Uppers Dream..?
New Zealand has a great many beautifully preserved character buildings and colonial villas. Ideal locations, in other words, in which to turn a fast profit by demolishing, sub-dividing and replacing them with brown, ‘Nouveau-Tuscan’, leaky townhouses and windowless shoebox apartment blocks.
And in other news...
Nothing happens in New Zealand. Ever.
And yet, against all better judgement, both TV networks feel compelled to provide a full hour of news coverage every evening. And how do they pad out the content, in a country where the biggest news event of the decade was the shearing of a stray, be-dreadlocked sheep? Segment after segment after segment of weather.
Other People’s Shit