A common New Zealand surname.
Aotearoa. The ‘Land of the Long Flat Vowel’. Universally famous for our monotone, deadpan accent. Flat, front-of-the-mouth mangling of syllables, consonants, and the dropping of the letter ‘R’ at the end of words. Just listen to our Prime Minister, John Key, the next time he bungles the word ‘Opportunity’ (he does it rather a lot, but in case you were wondering, it sounds like ‘Opchoontee’).
Odd then, that almost every Kiwi makes such a commendable effort to pronounce words perfectly in every other language, with particular sensitivity to Maori and Pacific Island languages, even if sometimes it makes them sound like a bit of a dick.
This is particularly the case with weather presenters, and can be observed nightly during our Frequent Weather Reports.
Our earnest attempts to display the utmost respect for the languages of all cultures except English, can be observed during conversation. Watch carefully for a sign, in the middle of an otherwise flatly intoned sentence, of the slightest pause, as the person carefully rehearses the unfamiliar phrase in their head. R’s, previously absent, now roll uncomfortably off the tounge. The lips purse, and atrophied tounge muscles cramp into place, creating little used shapes and sounds. Vowels go all rubbery. Wh’s become F’s (Whakatane). C’s become Th’s (Barcelona). And X’s become S’s (Xin Xin).
The overall effect frankly makes it hard to concentrate on the rest of the sentence. Fortunately, Kiwis tend to stop short of gesticulating their arms like a Frenchman, tempered by their inherent instinct not to look ‘like a bloody poof’.
But don’t be alarmed by this awkward struggle with unfamiliar sounds. It is not a cause for concern that the New Zealander you are talking to has just pulled a face muscle. Rather, it brings them the glowing sense of self-satisfaction that can only be achieved through knowing that they are more respectful and knowledgeable of foreign or indigenous cultures, and therefore less racist, than everyone else.
About the only thing that brings a greater feeling of inner peace, is correcting other people – particularly tourists – of their pronunciation mistakes. As in; “..actually, it’s pronounced Whangarei, not, Wang-Garry.”
Far-ngaray is a very recent pronunciation of Whangarei. Spelling of Whangarei was standardised in 1896 from the two alternatives “Wangarei” and “Whangarei” as cursive script addresses on mail were often confused with Wanganui, which ironically is now spelled Whanganui. It is clear from the alternative spellings that Whangarei did not originally have an obviously aspirated “wh” sound: the F sound has gradually crept in since Maori language pronunciation was standardised about 1990. Earlier pronunciation is actually closer to Wungaree.
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–, for the record, I’m not here to defend nz language.. I think its funny to hear external perspectives of Our language. And its true, so true! Just doin a bit of brain-storming, wondering if anyone else has wondered this. Ooh, kinda off topic, but calling a four wheel motorcycle a ‘quad bike’ seems wrong, surely its too soon to neglect that ‘bike’ is referencing ‘bi-cycle’ as in -two of rotating? Quad – OK, Quadbike = not OK, Quadcycle- err.. ? Sorry bout my spelling I’m a bit dyslexic but some of my brain works. Peace
how far in language history should we roll back – to be officially correct? New Zealanders should speak like the English still? Hangon, so we must speak every word like it was originally pronounced. Ie when maori is inserted into english? Is it derogitry to call a person french? Or should I have to call them ‘le frence’ (bad spelling) as they themselves would call -themselves?
The way kiwis say foura instead of four, thray instead of three, toe instead of two really irritates me. Oh yes…and ‘yo’ for you.
They also pronounce their L’s as a W. Listen next time you hear a kiwi say the word ‘bottle’ or ‘killed’ …there is a slight w there and why this is, i cant even guess at.
They also say Asshume instead of Assume – there is no h, same with consume.
Yes…all kiwis seem to say woman for many women..it even sounds wrong.
I also hate their ‘babytalk’ …like ‘brekkie’ for breakfast and ‘biccy’ for biscuit. (you aren’t going to believe it but i just heard a kiwi on TV saying ‘brekkie’ *sigh* This babytalking is extremely annoying.
Phrases like “have a feed” ….what are they, animals?
And lastly…I wish they’d stop ending the news with ‘kia’ora’ following ‘goodnight’
We are an English speaking country, the maoris are in the minority here. This needs to go..
> We are an English speaking country, the maoris are in the minority here. This needs to go..
This should start a lively debate.
Katja you absolute racist asshole. That’s all from me!
One word for you- FUCKWIT!
Actually, even being a Kiwi, I thought Katja’s comments were spot on…except for the one about “Kia ora”. I have no problem with that usage.
Same Paul, that’s what did it for me.
… If I go by all these comments… I apparently don’t speak like a normal kiwi. I differentiate between woman and women (at least in a sentence I do), I do not say “fush and chups” (unless humourously… besides, that’s more a North Island accent than a general kiwi one), I don’t add a syllable to “known”…
Do I have to hand in my Kiwi card?
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Fuck you Duane. (I was about to think of a more witty riposte, but, frankly, you don’t deserve the mental energy.)
F* y* was a good response.
Just deleting that spam would have probably been even better
True. But where’s the fun in that?
Who gives a rat’s about maori language. There are now more asian’s in nz than maori. About time to start learning Mandarin. And we can at least use that when we travel.
Kiwis pronounce the plural of the word woman as ‘woman’ not ‘wimmin’
I’ve found this explaination on the intertubes:
The word “sheep” remains the same for singular and plural and New Zealand men can’t distinguish between the two.
Kiwi men can tell the difference between women and sheep. We just prefer the sheep.
The British pronunciation of ‘women’ is ‘wimmin’. However, short ‘i’ in NZ speech is famously an ‘a’ sound as in ‘about’, hence the jokes about fush and chups. Since there isn’t a British short ‘i’ in the NZ dialect it’s not surprising that it doesn’t appear in ‘women’. Which does of course mean that you have to make it clear whether last night’s party was a tet-a-tete or an orgy.
The kiwi pronunciation of known as know-wen cracks me up. That’s a whole extra syllable.
The University of Canterbury’s Linguistics programme runs the Origins of New Zealand English project, and progress of the “own-owen merger” is one of the interesting things they’re tracking. It’s not a feature unique to NZ English, but we’re making it our owen.
perhaps you could petition the government and broadcasters to adopt a sort of double usage policy, similar to Maori-English (eg; ‘Aoraki-Mt Cook’)?
Pronunication of other languages apart from Maori may be “awkwardly respectful” but is sometimes plain wrong. Lingerie is pronounced (approx)”lahn-zhe-ree”. We now even have someone in a TV ad purporting to be a Frenchman and intoning the ridiculous “lon-zhe-ray”. Where did we get the impression it was pronounced like that?
And someone should school our radio newsreaders in the “kh” sound of Khartoum or Achmed (as in Scottish loch or German achtung).
At lease they’re getting “tsunami” right now, but no-one but the Iraqis ever gave the same consonant in “Tsaddam Hussayn” its due. It’s in German, Russian, Hebrew and Chinese too and it’s very different from the regular S.
My favourite exaggeratedly correct Maori pronunciation was in a radio piece on the (mythical) Great Fleet, sailing “under the protection of the great god Io.” “Ee-ore” may be scrupulously correct but my mental vision of a celestial stuffed donkey did not fit the mood of the item.
“particular sensitivity to Maori”?
Mmm… no. Many New Zealanders don’t even bother trying.
I’ve been told innumerable times that my name us just ‘too hard’ to say properly.
Idiots.
I like getting drunk and pretending I can speak other languages
I think NZ needs to speak proper correction more. And it’s got worse (something I said many times on this blog LOL). I’m sure in the old days politicians and broadcasters spoke better, such as pronouncing their t’s instead of substituting d’s. I think it needs to start in schooling and in broadcasting and hopefully it will catch on.
And yes it is rather strange how we show patronising respect and adulation for any culture other than Anglo-Saxon culture, denying that it is the very root of our own culture.
TrueKiwiJoker, you think “NZ needs to speak proper correction more”?
Could you start by re-writing that sentence?
I think what you’re referring to are 2 separate things; people’s accents that affect the way they speak, e.g. John Key’s “opportunity” or anyone else who says “aks” instead of “ask”, and the correct pronounciation of the Maori language (or spelling, as is the case with Wanganui vs Whanganui).
People these days, for the most part, have terrible pronounciation with the Maori language and media workers on TV or radio should be made to attend short courses to learn the correct way. Because the mistakes of the past (in particular the government’s attempts at eradicating the Maori language many moons ago) should be resolved through education, not ignorance.
And yes I love being one of those people who thinks themselves superior to those who cannot pronounce Maori properly and always corrects people. Incorrect prounciation is the result of a combination of ignorance, arrogance and laziness.
Who am I?
Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Someone from south of Lumsden which is south of Garston, which is close to the southern tip of a lake with some big mountains around it.
Er, nice essay Ruth.
May I refer you to the following post…
Taking Ourselves Seriously
Ha John Key is awsome. People make mistakes GET OVER IT.
In Parliament today Turoa Flavel again requested that Maori words be pronounced correctly. I think that is fair enough considering that it is a national language of NZ, and also because MPs minimum wage is $135,000. Michael Cullen then spoke saying that he thought that people tried their best, but he heard English Scotish and Welsh words often mispronounced. They both have valid points. Both points of order came at a pertinent time for me, as I was still seething at the way the Nationsl MPs who spoke today mispronounced ‘infrastrucrue’. I am wondering if the PM has directed his MPs to speak in the same awful lazy way that he does! I am appalled with the slurry, gutteral, lazy way MPs speak. I don’t expect them to speak pohly, but I do expect an iota of coreectness in their grammar and pronounciation. “Infwashruc cha is not a word, neither is any word that substitutes the sound shr for str. Too lazy!!!!!!!! In defence of Maori, there is also no excuse for a kiwi to say ‘a’ as in apple as there is no such sound in Maori. Why don’t we listen to the fluent speakers so we can get it right? Barcelona,does have the c sound as a soft th. But I would rather hear that said as a c than str as shr – or just about any word John Keys mumbles. How embarrassing to have that voice representing the people of NZ – it’s not even a regional accent so can’t be excused in that way! Sad!
Better than Helen Clark speaking… that (and her face) were embarrassing!