That'd look good on a T-Shirt.
As an expression of Kiwi individuality and identity, there’s nothing better than copying other Kiwis and scarring your arms, torso, ankle or (for the real hard-outs) neck and face with a ‘sort-of-pacific‘ design, picked from the wall of a K Road tattoo-parlour, after 15 cans of Lion Red and a double-dare, on your 21st birthday.
As a rule, the more likely that the tattoo will look horrifically out-of-place on either a) your wedding day, b) an important job interview some years later, or c) your sagging skin when you are a grandparent, the better.
Also popular, a map of New Zealand. Useful for reminding recent immigrants that they weren’t ‘Born Here’, or finding your way home at the end of an OE.
So why does New Zealand seems to have a such an affinity with ‘body art’? Sure, you might find the occasional, pretty young girl in the UK, Denmark or Canada, with a large, colourful spider tattooed across her lower back, or the words ‘F**k’, ‘C**t’ and ‘S**t’ emblazoned on her forehead, but in Aotearoa, you literally can’t move for them.
Although heavily influenced by, the majority of Kiwi tattoos are not to be confused with either the Maori moku (sic) or Polynesian body tattooing, which are a cultural rite of passage or indicator of social status, and, therefore, actually mean something.
Yet this influence does lead to a curious lack of debate about the merits of body-art on the rest of the population. All tattoos are regarded as earnest expressions of patrotism, mana, and cultural identity (even on white stockbrokers from Herne Bay), and to criticise that, bro, shows a deep lack of respect for our pacific heritage, language and customs. Which is practically treasonous, and probably a bit racist too.
In addition to the above, tattoos favoured by New Zealanders of neither Polynesian nor Maori descent usually aim to achieve one or more of the following results;
- Make the wearer appear to be of Polynesian or Maori descent.
- Make the wearer look like Robbie Willams.
- Make male wearers appear more macho, to conform with the butch, Kiwi male stereotype.
- Make female wearers appear more macho, to conform with the butch, Kiwi female stereotype.
- Piss off the wearer’s Mum
- Piss off the wearer’s girlfriend’s Mum.
- Show what music the wearer was into 20 years ago.
- Show what motorcyles the wearer was into 20 years ago.
- Show that the wearer competed for New Zealand at the Olympic or Commonwealth games.
- Show that the wearer wants you to think they competed for New Zealand at the Olympic or Commonwealth games.
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This was very interesting to read. Both the article above and the comments. I have a tattoo and I live in New Zealand. I’m not Maori. Or Polynesian. Does that mean that my tattoo has no meaning? I disagree.
Getting a tattoo is a personal choice to make and I don’t see why someone should be angry at the abundance of tattoos here in New Zealand. No one’s forcing YOU to have a tattoo.
Likewise, you don’t find articles written about un-tattooed people and how disgusting they are or how meaningless their attempts of self expression are.
Yawn.
+1 yawn
why do idiots that don’t like tattoos look at tattoo sites!!! fuck off and go abuse ya mother ya stupid assholes cause it’s her fault you are moron’s!!!!! sweet tattoo!!!
Could not have said it any better
try-hard wannabe fuckwits with their faggot tats
yeah i’m chinese new zealander. i was thinking of getting the nz map with chopsticks crossed over.
That is a bad idea
watch out love that sense of humour will get you ccokin eggs for gang members here
I’m fkn proud to a kiwi. I don’t need a tattoo to prove it, I wear mine on the inside. If you want to get a tat of home then good on ya. (just not for me)
I do get sick of the old kiwi rah rah about NZ. It drives me nuts.
Seen plenty of maori style tats in the UK (thanks to Robbie I think)
Haha these comments are better than the story
Don’t get a tattoo unless it’s still gunna mean to you something when it’s faded into a greeny-blue, misshaped, wrinkled mess. If you think it will still be special then, get it. Or get pissed to ribbons and get F**K LIFE on your forehead.
You’re all a bunch of street walking transsexuals.
NZ has some of the best street workers and thats something I’m proud to be a part of:)
My step-bro has the Speights logo on his back!
My bro-in-law has the old Buy NZ Made logo on his back. That one, I can kind of repect.
Are they bogans?
I am a 22 year old Kiwi, im not maori or polynesian or european, im a kiwi. I was born here and raised here so im a kiwi and im proud if it, I actually stumbled on this webside looking for ideas for my NEXT tattoo of a NZ map.
I am pleased to hear it, Chips.
It’s always good to have a backup map, in case you get really lost.
Yours,
Selwyn
Haha me too!
Good luck
I think its great more and more kiwis are getting tattoos which depict our unique culture and landscape. Its a sign we’re becoming more and more conscious of our unique identity which sets us apart from other countries but which enhances our ability to relate with each other. As for concerns or judgements over the choice of artform – please lets lose that other bloody entrinsic kiwi attitude we’ve got of pessimism and negativity, and celebrate and nuture new and progressive ideas?!
I think that its cool to have a tat showing where you’re from, if its a map of nz, a moko or whatever. It shows you’re proud and i think thats awesome!
having a ta moko is a gift not just any other tattoo it shows mana/pride of who you are where your from who your parents are your life story, it doesnt matter if it looks shit you wouldnt understand because it wasnt tattoed onto your body it wouldnt mean damn shit to you… and having a tattoo isnt shit either it, even if it looks shit because it will always remind you of the night, day, afternoon or morning you got it will take you back to why you got it in the first place its a memory you will always remember… but id havet to say the try hards who do get ta mokos have no idea what they mean or who or what it says … since i am a Maori myself i see everyone is entitled to there opion so i stated mine.
This post appears to be one long sentance. Fantastic use of punctuation!
I dont understand why its necessary to remind everyone that your from New Zealand (be it by tattoo, t-shirt etc) when your still f*ckin in NZ. I notice these types dont last long wearing their NZ map t-shirt when they come to Aus or the UK because everyone looks at them like the insecure banjo playing nationalist hicks they are.
And as no doubt the people who’ve posted here previously (and seem to have had an irony by-pass) will be bagging me out as an Aussie or whatever, I am a kiwi, I choose to not live in NZ for most of the reasons expressed on this site. Frankly the place drove me f*ckin mental.
Thankyou and goodnight.
You obviously haven’t travelled the world or outside NZ/OZ, when you have been around the world and been away for anything from 4 years to 40 it becomes a pride and reminder of where we are from, to wear or tattoo kiwiana. Maybe get out a bit and stop blaming NZ for any frustrations you have with your own life and decisions.
Yeah your right on the money. I havent lived in NZ for years because of people like you (see irony bypass comment above). Best decision I ever made was leaving that place. Andrew you reek of the smug kiwi traveller who spent two years at the Outback and now considers himself sophisticated. Now fuck off back to whatever hell hole suburb you come from and continue filling out your police application, they want more Nazi assholes like you.
Regds,
MH
And what sort of person writes something like that. He must have hit some big nerve. I don’t think NZ misses you Murry. Best thing is people like you leave NZ. Obviously you don’t like your life to have such anger against a whole country or an individual online.
Two years at the Outback? Haha, shows how small minded an ignorant you are, can’t even think outside Aussie. Try 6 years travelling ever continent, now based in London. Strong angry words against a faceless person through a keyboard you have. If you got any balls I’ll come stand in front of you and lets see if you will say it to my face. I’ll drop you from this earth like the mugg you are and no one will miss you.
Dude you are not too bright. The Outback is a chain of rubbish bars in England if you havent noticed. Its where people like you go to listen to Dave Dobbyn and pretend your back in Hamilton or whatever.
So you dont like someone fronting you when you start talking tough about me “blaming NZ for my problems”. And by the way is spelt “mug”.
I see you resort to threats of physical violence when challenged, generally the the first response of an intellectual cripple.
Thankyou and goodnight.
PS: I’m sorry Selwyn few too many rednecks on here now for my liking, It used to be funny, isnt there some way you can sort the wheat from the chaff?
I wouldn’t dream of it, sorry. Stupid or funny, all comments make for great reading.
Don’t you mean The Walkabout (chain)/ Redback (one off, London). I believe The Outback is a chain in the student heart of NZ and where I spent many of my student days. In Hamilton, NZ. Not London
I love it when men fight over me.
I think Kiwiana tats are great.
I have to say much of this body art is pretty dumb. I have to say I’m not certain if many of these people put the sort of contemplation I’d put into something that will be on my body for the rest of my life.
But compared to overseas I don’t think we’re all that bad. Except perhaps compared to Australia. I’ve been in many countries and met people from all over the world. Compared to the OECD I think in general we’d be below the average of phugly tatooed people. In particular I found people from the USA, South Africa, France and Chile to be worse in the skin art/tatooed stakes. I will say however the Aussies seem to be remarkably un-tatooed especially considering their cultural heritage.
Just my opinion, I could be wrong.
Hey check out The Gravy on the tvnz.co.nz website – there’s a cartoon called The Truth that talks about tattoos, so very funny if you haven’t seen already.
Thanks for the heads up @missannajane. Unfortunately I’m not one of the 4 New Zealanders who own a freeview box, so TVNZ6 is not yet on my radar. I hear it’s good. I’ll have to make do with the entire back catalogue of Country Calendar that I own on Beta Max.
That blue grass jingle on the opening credits never grows tired for me. I even insisted on it for the first dance at my wedding.
Oddly, my wife left me shortly after our honeymoon.
hehe it’s on the website – if you don’t have dialup (I didn’t even realise dialup still existed til I came back to NZ!)
Oh to clarify that comment, go to the OnDemand tab. Usability, tvnz webdesigners?
Ummmmm if you are going to put the kiwi ‘moku’ down at least spell it right ” M O K O “
Whoever gets a nz tattoo on them is fucken stupid?
Why do you need a map of NZ? Incase you get lost and don’t know where you are?
its called being proud of your roots. Or as salmonella dub says: “Always take your roots with you”
This is obviously from someone who hardly ever leaves NZ or at all. Problem I have with NZ, half of us have travelled the world, other half are ignorant.
No I just reckon its retarded that you have to brand yourself with something so cliche, so your from nz so what, no one gives a shit, and I’m a very proud kiwi but I still don’t feel the need to brand a tattoo to show my allegience or loyalty, proudness or whatever you wanna call it,
So why have you for an NZ tattoo.
because I was born there.
WOWOMFGWOW.
loser.
Moko not ‘moku’ .
Moku means ‘for me’, as in Ko kapu moku? Is this cup for me?