If bread had a gender, Vogel's would be a real man.
Vogel’s Bread is a Kiwi enigma. Part bread, part muesli, and part vegetarian meatloaf.
Abandoned on a desert island with but one choice of food, most New Zealanders could survive for years, quite happily, on nothing more than Marmite on generously buttered Vogel’s toast.
Where, exactly, one might find a toaster, let alone somewhere to plug it in, on a desert island, is anyone’s guess. Especially when, due to a number of closely guarded secret ingredients which have magical, almost NASA-grade, heat-resistant properties, it takes no less than 3 full, frustrating toast cycles before even the palest shade of tan appears on either side of a slice of Vogel’s bread.
In fact it takes so long to toast Vogel’s bread, that it is, in New Zealand, a perfectly legitimate (and commonly used) excuse, when arriving late for work, so simply state, “Yeahnah, sorry mate, I had Vogels for breakfast, you know?”. Universally accepted, it’s good for tardiness of up to 11am, and is much less likely to get you the sack than some of the better known classics, including; “Child with Meningitis”, and “Messy Divorce”.
Until relatively recently, Vogels was available only in New Zealand, and was, as such, the first food demanded by jet-lagged and hungry ex-pats returning home to crash at mum’s for a few weeks.
During this period, although undocumented, Vogel’s Bread was New Zealands 5th most exported commodity (behind Dairy, Wool, Dairy, and more Dairy), with every Kiwi leaving the country, for periods of more than 3 months, packing in their suitcase a minimum of 2 loaves to tie them over till the next trip home.
Forced to freeze and ration out their daily fix, it became yet another point of conversation amongst Kiwis living abroad. One which usually went along the lines of, “..and another reason why this country is shitter than than NZ, is those pathetic bran slabs that pass for brown bread here!”
In most countries, the clear response was simply, “Well why don’t you f**k off back to your own country then?”. In Britain, however, they took a more canny, businesslike approach. During the early 2000s, English bakers began making Vogels bread locally, under license, to supply, at a profit, the fast growing community of London-based Kiwis who loved absolutely everything to do with New Zealand – except actually living there.
Not that this quelled their instinctive desire for a good moan. Instead, rather like Guinness to the Irish, the complaint merely shifted to one of, “Sure, you can buy it here, but it’s not as good as the stuff back home.”
To which the British eventually replied, in line with the rest of the world, “Well why don’t you also f**k of back to your own country?”
Surprisingly, very few did.
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I love this….it’s exactly right. Grew up on Vogel bread and really really missed it here the UK. I remember the first time I saw it on the shelf at the supermarket…I grabbed 6 loaves, my eyes like saucers I was so amazed and excited!!! And I love that it takes ages to toast….gives you time to make the giant mug of tea.
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oh and there is a website! http://www.vogelsbread.co.uk/
we have vogel’s in West Yorkshire!!! granted it’s the sunflower and whatsit type, but when you haven’t had vogels in 8 or 10yrs it’s delish!!!
Goodman Fielder, who produce and market Vogel’s bread, presumably under license from the Vogel people, promote Vogel’s bread with the words:
“This loaf has been made from the wonder of nature & the philosophy of Dr Vogel.”
So far, so good. But when reading the ingredient label I found to my shock and horror that Vogel’s bread is made with Canola Oil! Now, Canola oil is a good industrial oil, but it’s basically unfit for human consumption. Virtually all Canola Oil is also genetically engineered.
http://www.aboutbreathing.com/articles/canola-oil.htm
I suspect that if the good Dr Vogel knew what was being done under his name, he would be spinning in his grave.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2012/apr/04/amazon-british-operation-corporation-tax
Buy only the original Vogel’s. It doesn’t have any oil in it at all—at least, not according to the ingredients list on the wrapper.
new york kiwis help me please. i am a pom married to a hawkes bay kiwi bird. we have moved to new york from london and she is driving me nuts coz we cant find vogels here. london was no prob and i even like the stuff (with marmite of course) so anyone in new york city where can i buy steal or borrow vogels? we live in lower manhattan
cheers
cockney michael
I’ve put a call out for you on Facebook. I received a lot of love for Vogels but, as yet, no actual help tracking down a loaf.
Stay tuned for help..
You can make it yourself, Michael. The recipe can be found at
http://www.kiwiwise.co.nz/recipe/jaquelines-slow-rise-vogels-bread
Jacqueline obviously went to a lot of trouble so that everybody can enjoy the best loaf in the world.
I have used this recipe (cooking it in just an ordinary 1 kg loaf tin) and it is very good indeed.
Yea Yea Yea i just loveeeee vogels
Regrettably my family has moved to Burgen. I LOVED Sunflower Seed & Barley, but the Toast bread size is way too much carbohydrate for me as a diabetic – I’d be able to have one slice for breakfast at best. All this at a time when we are trying to get NZers to downsize portions, not increase them. It doesn’t matter how many lovely nutritional elements there are – too much carb is still too much carb, and I’m not even a fan of low-carb diets. Bah Humbug.
NOTORIOUS IS GAY.
when times are tough at my flat as undoubtedly they always seem to be there is one constant, crisp toasted vogels with butter and ‘marmite’.
i don’t mind the wait because that fat, heavy loaf of bread is guna fill me up good.
ps. never use vegemite… never, unless there is a foreigner you are trying to put off eating your vogels
I love Vogels – but their Sunflower and Barley is the best. However, Vogels have made one big mistake. They have discontinued their sandwich sliced bread in their variant loafs.
Burgen just isn’t the same. But I would be prepared to abandon Vogels altogether unless they bring back their sandwich sliced bread.
Really bad move.
vogels makes me spew, once you live in europe (like all kiwis) and eat real bread, vogels tastes like a science experiment.
Still the euro style breads we get are unfairly mega overpriced, they should come with topless swiss girls and butter
Vogels is totally overrated.
I must be the worst Kiwi in NZ
Clearly you have never used it to insulate your floor boards?
Ha, what a great post.
I also use vogels to repair shoes when the leather goes through. I’m not sure why they don’t use vogels in the first place since it seems to last longer than the original rubber, particularly on those overprices Katmandu trekking boots.
I want to get a tattoo of kiwiana. if any one has some great ideas or pics you can send them to me at cheers
In breaking news, current NZ Prime Minister delivers former NZ Prime Minister two loaves of Vogels to her office in New York. She was heard to say it’s hard to come by in the Big Apple.
So Vogels is NZ “bread”, I thought it was some kind of insulation material.
Technically, it is both. I fed my family for a week on the governments new Home Insulation grant.
Great for tramping. A sandwich made from Vogels is so mechanically robust that it can be stored at the bottom of a back-pack under 4 or 5 layers of clothing and camping accessories. You can carry the back-pack for hours across rough terrain and when you take the sandwich out it is just as you made it that morning. Try that with a slice of tip-top or molenberg and your sandwich will be as flat as a possum on SH-1.
ummm, Im pretty sure marmite is the kiwi thing- not vegemite
Marmite is from England. Vegemite is from Australia. Russell Crowe is from NZ.
Marmite is also a Kiwi thing but it is different from the original British version – much weaker taste, blacker.
More reasons why I will never be a Kiwi: I don’t love tomato sauce, Vegemite, or Vogel’s.
Juli Ryan,
As an Australian I can tell you the secret to acquiring a taste for Vegemite. It should be spread very thinly on thickly buttered toast,the less Vegemite applied the better it tastes,so with no Vegemite at all, the toast will be delicious.
As a German who only once tried Vegemite (and though that whatever this was must have gone bad years ago), I can only second that!
Hah! Didn’t know Vogels was a Kiwi invention (the name sounds foreign to start with).
It does seem strangely toaster-resistant, but damn it’s worth the wait. It’s a good solid brick of bread.
I’ve never actually had Vogels… does that make me a bad Kiwi?
I’ll pretend I didn’t read that.
In the meantime, if you have any hope of redeeming yourself, I suggest you get a Pasifika tattoo, put on a T-Shirt with a map of NZ on it, and a greenstone necklace, and go perform a Haka on a beach somewhere, in jandals. And stubbies.
Noted. I’ll get right on that.